Patience

It seems all I do is apologize for not writing in this blog. I haven't been keeping up with it lately. In all honesty, I haven't wanted to. Whether it be facing what I know I'm going through or just not feeling up to it, I'm not sure.

I find myself looking around and being reminded of what the bottom of the barrel looks like. I don't visit here very often, but when I do, I'm miserable. It is at this point that I don't have any more of myself to give or any thing that I can do that I see the only one that is still there. Even in this place of my soul, He is there. And I melt. When everything else falls apart, He is still standing there, waiting for my hand. His patience is astounding to me. My heart breaks at seeing Him here. Why is He still here? Why keep pursuing me?

It tears at my heart, knowing that I have waited until this point to finally look to Him. That I don't have enough faith and trust in Him to keep me. That I don't believe Him when times are bad. That I don't talk to Him until I need something. The worst part of it all is His smile. I feel like a small child when I fell and hurt myself and ran to dad crying. He would just smile and take care of me. I've fallen Lord, I need you. I need your help and comfort. These tears are for pain in my life and for your mercy for me.

There is nothing I could ever do to repay what my Father has done for me. I can't understand His love for me. Thank you. I love you Father.