My Heart's Cry

I feel a pulling from the Lord to repentance and to give myself to a time of "sackcloth and ashes". I am not reaching my potential in Christ with the way I am living now. It's not enough.

There is a time that is coming soon where I will be needed to do things that I cannot personally do without God's help. There is something great and terrible coming and I fear that I am not capable of ministering to people or representing Christ to the degree that I should. I must change. I feel as though God is granting His people a small window of time to repent and prepare for the coming storm. Most of us are so asleep that we cannot and will not wake up.
God says,

"Awake you who sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light!"
Ephesians 5:14

Can you not see that we are the light of the world? What good is that light if we hide it? Why would Jesus die for a group of people to calmly and quietly hide their flicker of a flame? A Christian you say? Bleh. We are no more worthy of the title "Christian" than Satan is "righteous"!

Jesus said that these signs shall follow them that believe;
1. In my name shall they cast out devils;
2. They shall speak with new tongues;
3. They shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Mark 16:17-18

How many have you accomplished this week? We are so enamored with ourselves that we cannot even see the sinner! Forget Satan and his minions! We can't even conquer our own flesh! How are we supposed to have signs and wonders that lead to the glory of Christ if we can't stay saved for more than 5 hours?

Jesus also stated that, "Unless your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the Pharisees, you will never enter into the kingdom of heaven"!

Matthew 5:20

God, please let me be better than the people who nailed your Son on the cross. Forgive me, oh God! Give me clean hands and a pure heart. Let there be a right spirit in me and create in me a clean heart. Let my focus be solely on you. You are the one true King, the only One Righteous Lord, the Lover of my soul, my Provider, my Comfort, you alone are worthy!

My Mirror

I've been praying about things lately and have found that we have so much more pride than we think. It has infiltrated our lives to the very core. We have become so much like our enemy that the Father no longer sees His son in our lives but the working of Satan! 

How often we think we are being abused or under appreciated! I deserve more! It is my right! So many preachers focus on "Our authority in Jesus" instead of "The lordship of Christ". We don't need a master, only a nanny. Someone who can watch out for us. Someone who can change us when we make a mess of things. Someone who can feed us what we want, when we want it. No more, no less.

We no longer have an all powerful God who reigns in majesty and unity, but have reduced Him to our slave! With what authority do we say or believe such things? You know what it is that gives us this belief. The church has focused so much on it that it has lost the sight of Jesus altogether. It is the spirit of anti-Christ. We can't see! If we would only look into the mirror, we would find our anti-Christ.
Can you not see? It is yourself! 

I have become like my enemy. God forbid that we become so blessed from Heaven and are bestowed with immense power from the Holy Spirit that we outshine Christ in this world!

Forgive us Lord.

A Difference

I've come to realize a few things over the past several days. Things that I once loved no longer hold my attention. For example: I would normally be able to spend hours on the internet every day. Watching videos, playing games, or just on myspace/facebook was what typically described my day. I logged on tonight and after I checked my email and updated my facebook status I kind of just stopped and looked around. I was bored.

Mind you, this is not just a boredom from lack of entertainment but one of what occupied so much of my time. My priorities have changed. I thought of that old song that holds so much power in it's words. "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus".

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

We so often weaken Christ in our lives. I heard a quote the other day that said, "Jesus is waiting to be wanted". Wow. How much conviction does that place on your heart? If none, beware.

How many times have I prayed for the gifts of the Spirit in my life? How many times have I asked for miracles, healings, and supernatural manifestations in my life and ministry? How stupid! How foolish I was. God does not want to give me supernatural powers! He wants me to lead people to Him! He wants people to lead others to Him! He wants you to lead others to Him!
Forget powers and gifts and cling to the cross! Without holiness we will not see God! I don't need the gift of wisdom or knowledge in my life when I have Christ!

How pathetic we must all be to consider ourselves a primary candidate for His power and gifts. We can not even go through a week, One Week, without sin or corruption in our hearts and spirits. How can He trust us with the supernatural if we cannot overcome the natural? Wow. So simple.

Thank you Lord for not giving me what is rightfully mine, or due. I could never repay the love, grace, mercy, kindness, affection, patience, peace, friendship, teaching, comforting, correcting, and desire that you have given me. I am not worthy to be called a son in your kingdom, but a servant instead. Let me become your servant as the mighty men before me. You are worthy of a million eternities' worth of praise and I am immensely grateful that you accept mine. I love you Lord. Hallelujah.

Victory!

I have been through a myriad of things this past week.  Some good, some not so much.  I have begun a series in our youth on holiness and it has brought me to a greater level.  

I woke up this morning with a song in my heart.  Ever heard of "Joy Unspeakable"?  Check it out.  Lemme give you a little tidbit.

I have found His grace is all complete,
He supplieth every need;
While I sit and learn at Jesus’ feet,
I am free, yes, free indeed.

I dreamed a very eventful dream last night.  I was going through a type of movie theater but the ceilings were very low and dark through the hallways.  There was a very strange feeling around everything in the dream.  I would walk up to a curtain that had the image and name of that movie on it and just look at it.  Behind each curtain was the movie room.  So, there were no doors, just each curtain.  

When I looked at the movie name and image I immediately knew what it was about or what it had in the movie.  It was like an instant movie rating.  This one was rated R.  There was something very eery about it all.  All of a sudden, something changed and I saw everything for what it really was.  This wasn't a movie but a stronghold in my life!  Not particularly with movies with an R rating but the content in the movies.  It was a very strong temptation to go through the curtain and I came close, but I resisted!  I never went inside!  

That's when I woke up and realized what the Lord was trying to tell me.  I had started the tearing down of places that the enemy has built inside of me.  That's why I woke up with this song on my lips!  Through victory in Christ I have joy unspeakable!  Hallelujah! 

I have now turned my attention to my inner man and his well being.  The war has begun.  

Leavin

"I'm leavin on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again..."

I've been singing this song while I pack for my second trip to the great state of North Carolina. For the next few days my fiance and I will be in a whirlwind of wedding planning, family visiting, and sleep deprived days. Pray for us.

We hope to have engagement pictures made during this time also, which is exciting. We can finally have some nice pictures of us together.




I'm looking forward to this trip, however hectic it may be.
It will be a nice breath of fresh air for me. If anything, I get some Zaxby's! Yay!

A life worth living

Good day!

There is a change happening within me. My thoughts are more focused on how God sees me. I have been thinking more and more about eternity as of late. Life is short. What if we each knew our time of death? How would we live?

I've been considering my life on earth. This is just a vapor, an easily blown away cloud. With something so short and fragile, shouldn't we live to the best of our ability while we have it? We are so decieved to believe that we will all make it to our 90's and no harm will come to us or our families. We all believe that we have time.

Everyone has heard this question before. What would you do if you knew that today was your last day on earth? How would you spend your last day alive? Some say that they would skydive, spend it with friends or family, eat the most expensive meal and live life to it's fullest. I've thought about this lately. How would I spend it? In prayer? With those I love? More and more I see myself running to family that I know is lost and begging them to recieve Christ. I would spend the day moving as fast as I could, going from person to person and pleading with them to repent.

I would let my last day in this life be as the rest should have been. We all know the inevitable question that comes next. Why don't you live that way now? The answer? Its not pretty and no one wants to hear it. The answer is, we choose not to. What if I spent every day of my life believing it was my last? I would no doubt be ridiculed, made fun of, and rejected. I would also win some for Christ. I would bring my family and friends to Jesus and I would save a dying world.

I fear my judgement.

I'm ready

Another day, another blog.

Some things I've learned by living on my own:

1. It pays to learn how to cook. (Man truly can not live on bread alone)
2. Having to do laundry with quarters is no fun.
3. Its not polite to blast your stereo in an apartment.
4. Its also not polite to jump up and down while living in an upstairs apartment.
5. Fruit doesn't last nearly as long as it should.
6. There's no dress code.
7. Its boring.
8. I have sole control of my domain.

So yeah.

Something came up today that is astronomically huge! There is an organization in the Assemblies of God called Speed The Light. It is a program that funds missionaries needs for transportation and speaking equipment such as portable pa systems, projectors, etc. Every year, the youth of the A/G pledge an amount to STL and have fundraisers to meet that goal. Now to the cool part.

A man in one of the local churches son is adamant about having faith in God (Imagine that!) and is dead serious about doing something extraordinary to reach the pledge and beyond. His idea? To WALK to Springfield, Missouri, where the headquarters of Speed The Light are, and raise money along the way. Wow! That is 475 miles! The funny part? I'm thinking of joining him!

Why not? What do I have to lose except weight? I congratulate him in his blind faith in God and hope that I can have such.

A New post...get ready.

Well, I'm moved.

It took me forever to get things the way I want it, but I'm happy. I'm in a little, tiny, cubicle that is painfully white. Hopefully the little decorations I have will spice it up a bit. I did receive a very cool brown leather love-seat from my pastor this week! It reminds me of Goldilocks. Its just right. Any bigger and it would dwarf my apartment. Any smaller and it would just be a chair. Love it.

Neighborhood:
The neighbors are a bit rowdy. I didn't mention that I'm living in college apartments? Wow. Nothing out of the ordinary, but they're definitely tanked. A very small girl (25ish) moved in above me and either she jumps off of her furniture really hard or she just walks very, very hard. I woke up at 4:21 am the other night and it was going on! Not to mention that every time this happens, my living room light/fan shakes and I suddenly feel like I'm in a disco.

News:
Well, I guess the biggest news is that we have a new president. I don't know if I've been more disappointed in Americans than now. (Let me be quick to insert a side note here.) This has nothing to do with race so breathe. I could truthfully say that I don't think a real Christian CAN be happy or support Barack Obama. Already he is proving my point with removing the ban on giving federal money to international groups that perform abortions. Not only this, but it comes from guess who? Us! Out of our own taxes! So, now I can pay for little Sadhi or Olga to have an abortion! Yay! You Can Not be a Christian and support that. Period.

He has done nothing but disappoint me from the very beginning. Everyone seems to forget his rebellion on wearing an American flag on his lapel. Something that every president and senator does. Good thing his PR guy spotted that one!

One of my big problems with him was his wife's statement.
“For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country."
I really wish you could see the steam coming from my head. So, let me get this straight. They haven't been proud of the blood, sweat, and tears that made this country from the beginning. How DARE someone say that? Let me rephrase that. How dare a real American say that? What about the numerous thousands of lives that have paid the price for freedom in WWI and WWII? Are you proud of them? There is so much that I can't even say it all. If that's the case, then someone needs to find another country to live in. Simple enough.

So, I'm disappointed. Disappointed in a generation that has fallen to crap. I'm disappointed in a people that are truly proud to say they voted for Obama. Well, I hope you're happy. As long as we're all politically correct and can't say anything to anybody anymore! I really wish you would wake up. Congratulations on ushering in a new dark age for America.

To past generations, I apologize.

How it Ends

I heard a song today and wow. It is very profound. "How it Ends" by DeVotchka. Very powerful lyrics and intriguing ideas on the end. This is a good example of how lyrics and music can have a tremendous bond and produce a sound that truly beautiful. ;-)

Link
Lyrics:

Hold your grandmother’s bible to your breast
Gonna put it to the test
You wanted it to be blessed
And in your heart
You know it to be true
You know what you gotta do
They all depend on you

And you already know
Yet you already know
How this will end

There is no escape
From the slave catcher’s songs
For all of the loved ones gone
Forever’s not so long
And in your soul
They poked a million holes
But you never let them show
Come on its time to go

And you already know
Yet you already know
How this will end

Now you’ve seen his face
And you know that there’s a place in the sun
For all that you’ve done
For you and your children
No longer shall you need
You always wanted to believe
Just ask and you’ll receive
Beyond your wildest dreams

And you already know
Yet you already know
How this will end

You already know (You already know)
You already know (You already know)
You already know
How this will end
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This song only enhanced the feeling I had tonight while looking around my room at everything I own in boxes. I am on the precipice of my destiny. It is a very strange emotion that I have. Sadness beyond what I expected, excitement for the future, happiness in the steps I am taking, and sorrow for the people I am leaving. I know that after I take this step, things will never be the same. My life will forever be altered and will only rely on memory for comfort. I could never begin to explain such a tight bond that exists between them and I. I literally feel as though a part of me is being torn from my chest. Never will I forget the legacy of Dan Parker.

I owe so much to so many. I could never repay the love and selflessness that my father has given to me. My heart aches just thinking about him. About his love, his self sacrifice, and his pain. He has never received what he deserved and given me more than I did. He is a man that has never taken fame or riches and simply does not know how much he has changed this world. If he only knew what waits for him. I love you dad. I still want to be like you.

I take my step now and set my face to the future.