A New Place

I have taken steps today that will propel me further into the presence of God. I feel that I am on the tips of my toes and leaning all the way forward off of an enormous cliff. Just a little further and I will leap into the never-ending glory and power that is the Lord. Just one more step and I will leave everything that was behind me and let myself go in His presence. I know that my life is about to drastically change and I am looking to see how the Father will lead me into the new things of life and the secret places of the Most High.

I crave the relationship with God that Paul had. The nearness to Jehovah that Moses experienced. The miracles that Peter performed. The devotion and love that David had. Yet, I realize that I cannot be these men. I can only be Zebulon Parker. I must seek my own relationship with Jesus Christ. I cannot rely on any other person to make me holy. I can't ride on anyone's anointing but my own. My life must be lived and sacrificed by me.

Thank you Father for your endless mercies and grace. Without them I would forever dead. Thank you for your sacrifice. I love you.

A Deeper Level II

This is the second blog on "A Deeper Level". Read part I here.

So, to recap, we have established that I am a highly internal person. There is an entire world of thoughts and imaginations in my mind at any given time. Whom or what I choose to love is something that I am solid on. Okay, so that last line wasn't recapping at all.

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Let's talk about music. Music affects me in so many ways. It can alter my mood or feelings during the day. I have realized that the choice of music that I listen to is often indicative of what my emotions or mood is. I also have many memories that are tied to a song or tune. I know that many people are this way but I am just telling you what I am like.

What is it about music? What is it really? We know that it is something that mankind has enjoyed for several millennium. It is used for celebration, entertainment, remembrance, and major milestone events in our lives. Could you imagine a wedding without music? Or a funeral? Music is something that is completely intertwined in our lives. In every other culture on the earth, music is found.

In my opinion, music could be the highest form of communicating what we truly feel. Why are we so drawn into a good song? Why are some tunes so catchy? It seems to drive us. There are some songs that really pull you into what the artist is trying to convey. What may be even more interesting is how we develop our "taste" in music. Why do some people like rock and hate rap? Who really likes polka? Is geography a factor at all in our choice of music? Obviously not. What determines our choice? These are all very interesting lines of thought and research topics that I think about.

I've read and taken part in studies that involved the effect that music has on the brain in testing and recovery. I learned how music increases the memories of people's minds during a test. I also read how it can improve the recovery time of people who are ill. I would love to have the money to just perform experiments with music all day and figure out how and why we love music so much. It is the single greatest outlet, hobby, and stress-reliever in my life and I encourage you to try some music that you've never heard before. You might like it!

A Deeper Level

I am going to share something with you tonight that I never have before...a deeper level of my thoughts.

I view myself as a very internal person. The majority of my life has been spent in my mind. This can sound confusing or just plain silly but I will explain. I think a whole lot. Basically, I think as much or more than most women talk. I usually don't talk or take action unless I've thought about it. So, I may seem quiet or not paying attention, I am just internalizing. This does not mean that I'm not friendly or approachable. Every time that I meet someone I am completely open in conversation, I just divulge any information of myself.

When I really talk a lot, that usually means I'm either passionate about that topic or am just really engaged in stimulating conversation. Since I cannot compare my thought process to any other person's, I am not able to fully gauge what I am like. I am a very "mental" person. (No, not like the Velcro-laced shoes kind of mental) Even my emotions are tied to this. You will probably never see me truly get emotional. I have never been in one extreme of any emotion. I never let any emotion affect my level of consciousness or decisions. I am more concerned with the logical aspects of the situation. If something is wrong, fix it. Don't whine about it, just fix it. I am a very no-nonsense, black and white kind of person.

People come to me whining about how hard something is or how they don't know if they can make it with their pressure and I automatically get sick. Not like the flu sickness either. I get sick of that person. I cannot stand complaining about something when the only thing that is necessary is action. Now if someone truly needs help, then by all means I will help them. It is when someone acts so pitiful and whiny that I just walk away. This may seem calloused or hard but that is simply how I see the world. Less complaining, more action.

I see things as right or wrong. There are occasional gray areas but they are very rare. I rarely ever vary from those standards that I have set and require evidence that proves me otherwise before I change my view on anything.

So, this is just a small piece of the puzzle that makes up my mind. It isn't complete so I may continue writing on this in future blogs. Peace out.

Love

Here is a much more cheerful post.

I am so happy and thankful that Bethany and I were brought together in love. It is an amazing thing, love. There have been innumerable songs written about it and will be. The great king Solomon wrote literal thousands of songs for love. The Bible is filled with references of love.

Here's a few to refresh your memory...
"Greater love has no one than he that lays his life down for his friends",
"God is love",
"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love never fails"


It is an interesting concept in life. As children we see love from our parents. As teenagers we think we're in love. As young adults we seek out love. In our middle age we know we are in love. Finally, in our twilight years we wish for love. It is a vital part of our very being! Find someone that is not in love and you will find a miserable person. I am a young adult and believe that I have found love. I have found one of the most important and powerful things our lifetime, love for another person and love in return.

We, as humans, take love very seriously. What will people do for love? The greatest wars in history were fought over love. We have an entire holiday set aside for it. There is a constant need for books and movies about love in the media industry. The largest organization and machine on the planet is pornography, a misguided search for love. We are totally infused with the concept of love and the search for it. We crave it and desire it in everything we do. It is written in our DNA.

Patience

It seems all I do is apologize for not writing in this blog. I haven't been keeping up with it lately. In all honesty, I haven't wanted to. Whether it be facing what I know I'm going through or just not feeling up to it, I'm not sure.

I find myself looking around and being reminded of what the bottom of the barrel looks like. I don't visit here very often, but when I do, I'm miserable. It is at this point that I don't have any more of myself to give or any thing that I can do that I see the only one that is still there. Even in this place of my soul, He is there. And I melt. When everything else falls apart, He is still standing there, waiting for my hand. His patience is astounding to me. My heart breaks at seeing Him here. Why is He still here? Why keep pursuing me?

It tears at my heart, knowing that I have waited until this point to finally look to Him. That I don't have enough faith and trust in Him to keep me. That I don't believe Him when times are bad. That I don't talk to Him until I need something. The worst part of it all is His smile. I feel like a small child when I fell and hurt myself and ran to dad crying. He would just smile and take care of me. I've fallen Lord, I need you. I need your help and comfort. These tears are for pain in my life and for your mercy for me.

There is nothing I could ever do to repay what my Father has done for me. I can't understand His love for me. Thank you. I love you Father.

Time

Hello all. Today is my birthday. Yay! I'm the ripe old age of twenty four. I just had one of the best times with my girlfriend and her parents. It was a blast, meeting the parents and getting acquainted. They seem like really nice people.

I just saw a movie trailer and found it disgusting. Here is the Yahoo! link for it. http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809842364/trailer

This is part of the "Anti-Christ" spirit that is slowly infiltrating the church and world. It is so easy to see that the rapture of the church is so near. The sad thing is that we don't even see it. We choose not to. When we have a woman that has no spiritual revelation of her own and has the largest church in the world, we have a problem. (Oprah Winfrey) I dare you to read her ideas on Jesus and the cross and see if it matches the Word of God. We have preachers who will not preach the truth and will only tickle our ears with smooth and eloquent words. The church even has some ministers that preach that there is no Hell and we all go to Heaven, no matter what.

Here is what scripture says...

Galatians 1:3-9
3.Grace be to you and peace from God the Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ,

4.Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father:

5.To whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

6.I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:

7.Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.

8.But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.

9.As we said before, so say I now again, if any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus...

Wow

So. I have had an entirely too crazy week....make that month. September was tough. My grandma died on the 11th. My grandpa(other side) also had surgery on that same day and is currently having to go once a week for 6 weeks for chemotherapy. My cousin had both breasts removed on the 18th and is undergoing 5 chemo treatments a week for 6 weeks. Our girl dog had a litter of puppies, but died after one week. Now we're having to bottle feed 9 puppies! We drove my dad to the E.R. at 6:30 am on Monday. His blood pressure was 228/114! He had all the scans, tests, and pokes done to him until today when he was discharged. Little sister has strep throat. The church is financially crumbling and we don't have health insurance. So....yeah. It has probably been 3 years since I had health insurance. Praise God, I haven't had to go to the doctor once!

I am glad October is here...
This is my favorite month of the year. Not just because it is my girlfriend and my birthdays, but also because of the weather and feel of the year. I love October.