Ready

Today...was boring. All work and no play. That's been the theme of late. I caught up on sleep, which was nice, but didn't have any time to do anything. Hopefully tomorrow will be different.

I am really ready to move. I've been crossing my fingers for a job in Paris and nothing has happened as of yet. Gotta get the job, then the house, and then hopefully a life! Ready.

I noticed that I've been impatient today. I don't know why. Maybe it is frustration
over not having money or being where I want to be. Hmm...that may be it!

Lately I've been performing an inventory of myself as a whole. Like a computer system, I need updates. There are several things that I want to change about myself and have struggled to do so in the past. For example, I often feel guilty or uncomfortable when I voice and stand on an opinion that is against my friends, girlfriend, or family. Obviously, I'm not talking about matters of concrete faith, or terribly sincere things. They are typically trivial things but occasionally, they are not. I am teaching myself to be...well, me. It is not easy.

Do not mistake this as myself being a confused person. I know exactly who I am in Christ and life. It is not a problem of not knowing who I am, rather a problem of knowing who I am and changing that. I am in a constant state of changing and growing. I do not believe in certain conditions that "make" people the way they are. We are often too quick to departmentalize people in categories to fit our own understandings and explanations. A boy isn't paying attention in class, therefore he is ADD. A young girl is hyper so she must be ADHD! (By the way, only 3-5% of the world's population has ADHD. So...) And yes even the OCD's. Why so many acronyms? I believe that we often "declare" what we are to the world so we can explain our own quirky behavior.

I believe that we make who we are. If I see something wrong in myself, I should fix it. It is as simple as that. The only problem is fixing it. We, as humans, do not like change. We never have. It is not that we cannot change though but that we do not. We have the choice. We choose not to. Go ahead. Take a few seconds and mull that one over. Breathe in....breathe out.
Every single person chooses who they want to be. If I am sarcastic and too sharp, then I must change myself. If I am too lazy or a pushover, I must adjust the way I live. Everything is a choice.

So, to everyone I know, I am being more persistent, forthright, and bold with my opinions. I should not feel guilty if I must listen to everyone else's...right? Too long I have let things go just to keep the peace. I am changing myself for the better and will stand on the issues that I want to stand on.

Thank you. Good night.